I made a new vow to myself. It was kind of an informal one but I want to honour it nonetheless. It was inspired by a series of random events but maybe nothing in life is random. It really became clear to me when reading the controversial "memoir" by James Frey "A Million Little Pieces". Transparency, how important to is to be honest and open to life in all of its shades if not with others, at least with yourself. It's a matter of life and death, at least it is for me.
For most of my life I've been running away from the darkness and running towards the light. In the darkness evil lurked, the ugly, the unimaginable, the repulsive, the forbidden. If I held on to the light then maybe it would obliterate (this is my new favourite word by the way) the darkness and everything unacceptable would just disappear. But nothing disappears because you ignore it, at least that's been my experience up to now.
So welcome to the new chapter. There will be some pretty heavy emotions here, some darkness, some feelings of despair and loneliness and depression, but there will be good feelings as well. There will be hope and laughter and childlike wonder at the world. So I'm trying to be honest here and I figure I'll begin where I'm most comfortable, the written word- because it is the most personal and the most accessible.
Here we go, don't be afraid of what you see or what you feel. I just want to let you know that here lies the ties that bind, our common thread, the web of human experience.
I want you to experience that huge sigh of relief that I feel when I realise, I am not alone.