Monday, October 26, 2009


Today the process of living is too painful.
I’ve tried to push you
Out of my thoughts,
Out of my life,
And move from that place of broken-ness to a space of
Healing and
But on days like this whatever progress I've made seems premature.

It’s been a year and I’m angry.
The pain of what happened between us racks my body so that I become
limp and cold and
welcome numbness.
I am tired of hurting.
I am tired of pain.
Your apologies are an insult to me because they seem empty and insincere.
You aren’t sorry.
You don’t even know what you’ve done.

There is someone new who chooses me,
That wants to me in their life.
But he is where we began and,
Talk of you,
Thoughts of you do not allow any space for something new
Though I had hoped by now I would have accepted the end of us.
The question remains,
Did you ever love me?
And then all the others come pouring over me-
Who should I have been,
What should I have done to make you love me?

You treat me like some unsettled dust that you need to sweep under the rug,
A business transaction gone wrong.
After six and a half years I have to look at myself and wonder what you see
That makes you think that I deserve all of this.
What makes me so Hateful and
and Unsightly
That you think you can treat me with such callous disregard?

“It was all a mistake” you say, of that you are sure.
These are your “sensitive” words for a difficult time,
As you take a minute out of your hectic schedule for the tragedy of a girl you once “loved”.
As for me I don’t know what to believe anymore.
I don’t trust my eyes,
my ears,
my heart
or my skin,
For all were convinced of your love and in turn loved you.

I search for myself everywhere but I am lost,
What is this life for?
Where do I begin?

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