Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Willing and Able

I know you’ve been disappointed.
You feel like anyone you’ve ever loved has left you behind
Fumbling in some awkward silence.
I came to tell you that the love inside of you will never run out.
What you see with your eyes,
What you feel with your hands is the flowering of love
Run your fingers across the soft green carpet
Lie down in that grass
Gaze as sunflowers do
Raise your brilliant head to the sun
But do not be fooled
There is more
Deep in the belly of the earth lies the seed of something eternal.
Knock with soft slow steps upon its earthly door
Take this pilgrimage with me
When you feel the world is empty, dig deeper
Trace the roots back to its origin
There you will find the reflection of your beloved
Press your head upon its chest
Let your heart sync
And when the time comes you will be willing and able.

Sunday, June 3, 2012


I am searching for ways to no longer Be
Because Being is painful and
Loving is painful and
Wanting is painful and
Losing even more so.
I am beginning to understand what Hafez said when he speaks of the lover’s hand
Opening and closing
Opening and closing
This is my heart opening and closing
Loving and then no longer wanting to love
This is the Beloved giving and taking away
This is you coming into my life with those blue eyes and that silly grin
This is you leaving me and the ghost of what we could have been.


There is a draft building up in my bones
Grief slipping through the windows and doors
You are leaving me behind
(Because the people who care the most are always the ones that are left behind…)
I should have known by now that I always want more
I’ll take my axe and my pick and chip away until I can gobble up your soul
But you are leaving me behind
And there is no more time to do all the things we wanted to do
And there is no more time to become all the things I hoped we would be
And now we’ll never know
And this grief-like chasm cracks me open and leaves me exposed
And now I must remember again what it is like to be alone.

The Thought of Losing You

The thought of losing you caused so much pain I wanted to run from it
I wanted instead to feel nothing
To eat something
To watch something
To clean everything
To talk
To laugh
To sing
To dance
To move away from the rawness of my heart
To move away from the truth
You are leaving
My teacher told me that I am to sit with it
I am stubborn
My teacher told me to sit in it
Love is not possession
My teacher told me to swim in it and so I swam into the inky blackness
Blind to an end and an outcome but hoping
I swam
The fire in my lungs burning away my tears
I dove
Deeper and deeper into the darkness
I plunged
Until there was
Only light
Only ribbons of sparkling water on the bed of the ocean
(A heart ripping open until there is no pain, no numbness, no heart)
Only me a crystal reflecting the sun
Only me
Only bliss
Only love