The Thought of Losing You

The thought of losing you caused so much pain I wanted to run from it

I wanted instead to feel nothing

To eat something

To watch something

To clean everything

To talk

To laugh

To sing

To dance

To move away from the rawness of my heart

To move away from the truth

You are leaving

My teacher told me that I am to sit with it

I am stubborn

My teacher told me to sit in it

Love is not possession

My teacher told me to swim in it and so I swam into the inky blackness

Blind to an end and an outcome but hoping

I swam

The fire in my lungs burning away my tears

I dove

Deeper and deeper into the darkness

I plunged

Until there was

Only light

Only ribbons of sparkling water on the bed of the ocean

(A heart ripping open until there is no pain, no numbness, no heart)

Only me a crystal reflecting the sun

Only me

Only bliss

Only love