What Matters Most

I’m in love with your sleeping form,

The way your male perfection leans itself towards me

Sometimes reaching

Sometimes turning away.

You always want,

And it’s more than I can give

And it’s always now, on your terms

Later isn’t a part of your vocabulary.

I say it quietly

I scream at the top of my lungs

I’m losing any understanding

I lash out and I’m sorry

But you don’t listen,

You can’t even hear me.

You leave

For days

For weeks

For months

It’s taken some time but I’ve grown accustomed to sleeping alone;

There’s always someone else that can meet your needs better than I ever could.

Now you’re here,

And I guess that’s what matters most.

You find your way back to me in your own time,

It doesn’t make me love you any less.

I don’t know what it is some nights that makes you wanna stay

Here

With me.

I watch you intently every time you sigh and shift,

Wondering what I will do this time to make you leave.

Here I am treading water

Keeping these aftershocks of emotions in check

Trying to meet the terms and conditions

Of a love that is as often withheld as it is freely given.